On Line Dating
by Pamela Ramey-Tatum

"No disguise can long conceal love where it exists, or long feign it where it is lacking." ~ Francois La Rochefoucauld

On Line Dating has become a multi-billion dollar business. The number and variety of dating services out there reveal one thing: people out there desperately want to meet a romantic partner. Sure, some are in it for the one night stand or fling, but many--if not most--are seeking a serious relationship.

The inherent problem is that these dating services assist people in being willful and presumptuous. People spend a lot of time and energy searching through data bases, emailing potential partners, talking to them and eventually meeting them in person, if all else seems right. They are trying to will a partner to them rather than being willing to receive the right partner at the right time--the time the universe, in its divine wisdom, brings partners together. Rather than being in receive mode, people get in demand mode.

Another problem is that even if you are attracted to someone's profile and they seem, on paper, to be everything you want in a partner, and even if in emailing and talking on the phone with each other, you seem to "hit it off," there is no guarantee of what the energy will be like between you in person. It's presumptuous to think that it will be romantic.

In my willful days, I met someone on a dating site whom I thought I had a lot in common with and we both felt very attracted to each other over the phone. We corresponded for a few months via email and phone in a very romantic and flirtatious way. But when we finally met in person, it was a huge let down. The problem was not his looks or personality, it was about the energy between us; it was simply platonic. The truth is that our relationship was not romantic, and all the romantic emails and phone conversations didn't make it so. The attraction did not translate to the flesh and blood! "Energy doesn't lie," as my husband likes to say.

The truth of a relationship is the truth and no amount of wanting it to be something it's not can change that--although willful people try this all the time. I have been that willful myself to try to want a relationship into being right: "He meets all my criteria for a partner. I may not be in love now, but I will learn to love him." I didn't. This approach really takes willfulness to the extreme by presuming that love is something we can will into existence.

Some people even think marriage will right a wrong relationship, but if it's not a true marriage, no ceremony will make it so. A true marriage in the metaphorical sense really is made in heaven: it's two souls brought together by something greater than ourselves, and the love is just there, no will or wanting necessary.

Sadly, people trying to will love sooner or later find that the heart is not a limb that can be controlled by the will. Our heart loves who it loves and can never love who it doesn't, regardless of how perfect someone may seem.

When we meet our true perfect partner brought to us by the divine guidance of the universe, we will be in awe at how perfect the union is. This person will be everything we ever dreamed of and more. Every past partner will quickly fade away. There will be the recognition of souls, and nothing will need to be forced or contrived. As Rilke says, "Lovers don't finally meet somewhere. They're in each other all along."

It's not to say that this is a passive undertaking; we don't passively wait for our soul mate to arrive. It actually requires us to be active, just not willfully active. Remember, action is not inherently willful, and passivity itself can be a form of willfulness. It's rather the particular kind of action we take, and even more importantly, the spirit or consciousness from which the action is done that makes us willful.

To attract your perfect partner, it's more wise to spend time working on yourself, opening your heart, and being truly available rather than searching the dating sites. Do what you love; get involved in activities that being you joy. If you are in a place of joy in other areas of your life, you will attract joy in the area of romance, too. Prepare yourself and the perfect partner will come.

Of course divine guidance might lead you to a chat room and your perfect partner might be there waiting for you. It's even possible that your partner could await you on a dating site. The point is more the consciousness from which you use the tool. Most people using dating sites are coming from a willful place and presuming a dating relationship will exist before waiting to explore the truth of the relationship. One of my teachers Philip Golabuk used to say, "Don't get ahead of the truth." It seems dating sites invite us to get ahead of the truth and be in a willful mode, rather than working on ourselves and being in receive mode while expectantly knowing our soul mate is all but with us already.

Copyright December 20, 2006 All rights reserved. You may reprint this article if you do so in its entirety.

Pamela is a Relationship & Laws of Attraction Coach, Workshop Facilitator and Author. She works with people who desire to live more consciously, to live from their hearts and to become more fully who they are. She specializes in working with people who are ready have the relationship of their heart's desire. To schedule a coaching session, visit www. empoweringlove.com or email Pamela at pamela@empoweringlove.com ATTRACT THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE, NOW! Contact the author, Pamela Ramey-Tatum , at pamela@empoweringlove.com
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