Relationship as Spiritual Path

By Pamela Ramey-Tatum

For one human being to love another that is perhaps the most difficult of our tasks; the ultimate, the last test and proof; the work for which all other work is but preparation.  ~Ranier Maria Rilke

It was once almost uniformly believed that romantic relationships interfered with a person's spirituality and that one had to go live in a monastery in order to follow a spiritual path.  However, most spiritual teachers today agree that an intimate love relationship, if you do it consciously, can be a spiritual path in and of itself.  All spiritual paths challenge us to let go of our smaller ego-related self and operate from our higher self.  Committed relationship is arguably a more difficult spiritual path than the monastary, for we aren't sequestered away meditating on a mountain top; instead every day we must face the challenge of another person showing us who we are. 

Making a relationship a spiritual path means seeing it as a vehicle for healing, growth and change.  We can challenge each other to be more aware, more conscious, more compassionate and patient.  As my spiritual teacher, Yogi Bhajan, said, "If your partner doesn't bring up your "stuff," and push your buttons, then you're probably not with the right partner."  And it's just this that gives us the opportunity to look within and grow.

Following are nine keys to making your relationship a conscious spiritual path.  This presupposes that you are with a partner who has the same intentions regarding your journey together.

1.    Know that the other person's "stuff" is a mirror for your own "stuff."  See any issues that arise as being insights into yourself.  If you always bring it back to yourself, seeing how whatever is coming up reveals something inside of you, you will heal and grow tremendously.

2.    Love must exist without control.  Allow your partner the freedom to be him or herself.  Accept that your partner is not you, and so will see things differently, respond differently, think differently from you.  Differences can expand your perspective and open you to new ideas.

3.    Be in the moment with your relationship allowing it to evolve without expectations.  Of course we are human and we have expectations.  But if we catch ourselves reacting to an unfulfilled expectation (which will be felt in the third chakra), process that and get back into our heart, we can accept the reality of who our partner is, one who is gifting us by sharing this sacred journey of life with us every day.  We can find beauty in our partner's humanness and practice compassion rather than getting angry when he or she falls short of fulfilling our every expectation .

4.    Communicate openly and honestly with each other, and work to listen to each other without judgment.

5.    Treat conflict as an opportunity for growing and healing rather than allowing it to create distance between you.  This is possible when both people process their emotions using the heart-centered meditation technique (discussed in "Shifting States" ezine) rather than projecting them onto each other.  Conflict can polish partners like two stones rubbed together shines them.

6.    Take time to meditate and nurture your connection to the divine.  Cultivate a     shared vision of your relationship on a larger scope than the personal and         discover what, as a couple, your service is to the world not just to each             other.  Even if your service is to be an example of a truly loving partnership; it     doesn't matter what that service is, but it helps to be clear about it and             incorporate things into your daily life to nurture that vision. 

7.    Let your primary concern be what your relationship needs and requires from you rather than what you need and require from your relationship. 

8.    Recognize that your union is sacred and that the growth you make as individuals and as a couple helps others, not just those in your family and community, but people all over the world.  The collective unconscious is made up of us all, so our work and growth have an effect globally.

9.    Experiment with making sex a sacred practice--at least some of the time.  Feel your oneness with the Divine when you come together in love with your partner.

Renowned Swiss psychologist Carl Jung believed that through their struggles with each other, couples could discover unconscious aspects of themselves, learn to integrate aspects of their shadow sides and the feminine and masculine energies within each of them. He believed that couples who used their relationships as vehicles for growth could ultimately become more conscious and in touch with their higher selves. And although Jung viewed this as the ideal path mature relationships would take, he realized that only a tiny percentage of couples would ever attain this awareness.  Instead, the primary focus for most couples he observed was on the preservation of the species. 

Today, however, many more people on the planet are attempting to live conscious lives and to fully embrace their spiritual nature as well as to fulfill their true purpose in the world.  To commit to relationship as a spiritual path is an intense and fascinating journey that requires both partners allow their relationship to lead them to deeper self awareness and commitment in the face of the many challenges they face, to actually put into practice within their relationship the spiritual teachings they study.   With strong intentions and dedication to each other as a sacred  mirror, the spiritual path of committed relationship is a beautiful and soulful  path.

Love, Peace, and Joy~