Beyond Resolutions to Transformation

by John M. Tatum, M.D.

The main reason New Year's Resolutions are notoriously unsuccessful is because they are made cognitively without a corresponding shift in the unconscious.  We would like to think our conscious, logical mind is in control, but it takes only a little thought to realize that is not completely true.  Everyone struggles with unwanted thoughts, feelings, reactions, and behaviors.  The reason we cannot will such things away is because they are programmed into our unconscious, a part of the brain separate from our conscious thinking brain, and as Carl Jung said, "The problem with the unconscious is that it is unconscious." 

During psychotherapy sessions, we first discuss the problem from a conscious, logical perspective, and then we work experientially to change the unconscious roots of the problem feeling or behavior.   I know we have been successful when the person reports, "being different" rather than "trying" to be different.  The "trying," indicates a conflict with opposing forces in the unconscious.

A time-honored way of bringing about needed change in our life is the Transformational Retreat.  Christ began his ministry after spending 40 days in the desert; His life transformed from what it was before.  In the Native American tradition, the spiritual seeker was sent on a Vision Quest, and after his return, took on a new name, signifying the marked change that had occurred. 

Normally, we go through life as if on autopilot, operating according to patterns in our unconscious and a model we carry of the world and ourselves.  Then something happens that we do not expect, something that tells us that all is not right within.  A conflict ensues between the part pushing for change and our natural resistance to change.  If the change that needs to happen is major, there may be considerable anxiety and confusion.  

The Transformational Retreat can be very helpful when we are not sure what change needs to take place or when a major revision to our life and internal worldview is in order.  Most of the major shifts in my life have been when I was away, open to change, and open to the wisdom of my Higher Self and Divine Guidance.  We have to humble the ego, open to change, and trust that healing and growth are natural processes.

As you look forward to the New Year, take stock of where you are in your life.  Do you need to make small changes or major ones.  For small changes, don't just make resolutions.  Instead, using a fundamental Law of Attraction principle, spend time, starting now, experiencing yourself the way you want to be.  Make the change present, feel it from head to toe, and "live it!"  Don't just wish you weighed 20 pounds less; feel how it feels, physically and emotionally.  Challenge any irrational thoughts that are contrary to your goal, and feel and accept any feelings that conflict.  And, stay conscious!  Be aware of the old maladaptive patterns.  Are those sweets you are reaching for consistent with the new you?  Face and accept those craving feelings and focus on the good feelings of being healthier.

If the changes you need to make are major, like leaving a relationship, changing jobs, or more often, you don't know what, but you hear the "call" that a big change is in order.  This is when you need the Transformational Retreat.

The following are some guidelines to help you make sure your retreat is successful:

ü      First, follow the "calling" to change, for you will never be disappointed in the long run.

ü      Get away.  Your ordinary surroundings help you stay stuck in your ordinary way of thinking, the way that is no longer working for you.  

ü      Expect to have a breakthrough and to return with new insight and direction.  This does not necessarily mean no stress, because something new is always stressful initially, but at least you are no longer stuck and you know what you have to do.

ü      Stay in your heart.  It is natural that you have anxiety and distress, but accept that and move up to the heart state of consciousness, that state where you can access unconditional love, acceptance of what is, appreciation, compassion, caring, and healing.

ü      Be open to guidance.  Remember, you are in this situation because your old way is not working.  The answer is often not in the thinking mind.  You want to let go of your old way of thinking and being and seeing.  Be truly unconditional as you open to something new coming to you, from your Higher Self and from Divine Guidance. 

ü      Be patient with the process.  Get plenty of rest, do some yoga, walking, or other light exercise daily, meditate, journal, draw, and just daydream.  Do not drink or do drugs, for they impair the highest centers of your brain and will abort the Transformation and usually even the calling. 

ü      And finally, get support from those who can love and accept you unconditionally rather than judge you because you are not following their script for you.

The length of the retreat can vary.  It may be a few hours, a few days, or a few weeks.  The short retreat can be a walk on the beach, in the park, or in the woods.  You may do a longer retreat by yourself, but usually, if you need a longer retreat, it is best to do it with a professional who can guide you. 

Let 2008 be the year you break free of old patterns and open to a happier and more fulfilled version of yourself.

Dr. Tatum is founder of Optimal Health & Learning Center in Winter Park and specializes is psychotherapy and personal growth.  He conducts individualized and group retreats with his wife Pamela Ramey-Tatum, MA, who is a Relationship Coach, Yoga instructor, and Law of Attraction teacher.  For more information on my psychotherapy work or to schedule an appointment call the office at 407-644-3593.  For more information on the retreats, call Pamela at 407-733-6282 or go to www.EmpoweringLove.com and click on "Retreats."

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