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Awakening to Love,
designed for people like you who are ready to have the relationship--the love--of their heart's desire.
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Assessing Your Relationship
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As the new year approaches, it's a time to take stock of our lives. It's a time to think about all our relationships, especially our primary one, and ask ourselves if it is a healthy, fulfilling one that nutures us and allows us to be our best selves. If you are in a healthy and fulfilling relationship, you should know it. If you eat a meal and are asked if it was good, you know the answer.
You don’t have to ponder it. But when our emotions
are
involved and when our answer may demand some
difficult things from us, we often find it easier to
evade the truth. That doesn’t change the truth,
however; the truth still stands and eventually will
beat us over the head if we don’t get the more
subtle clues!
Generally, if you don't answer, “Am I
in a fulfilling relationship,” with an immediate "yes,"
but instead analyze and make excuses, the answer
is, as they say, in the question. If you have to
rationalize, then perhaps
something is missing.
Of course there are varying degrees of fulfillment so
it is useful to think about the precise ways you are
fulfilled and what might help you or your partner feel
more fulfilled.
Below are some statements that are true most or all
of the time in healthy, loving relationships. If you
are
currently questioning your relationship, read through
this list; it may help you determine what would
actually have to change to make your relationship
more fulfilling to you.
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For one human being to love another: that is
perhaps
the most difficult of our tasks; the ultimate, the
last test and proof, the work for which all other work
is but preparation. ~Rumi
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In a healthy, fulfilling relationship, most of
the time or all of the time
- You feel loved and supported by your partner on
a daily basis.
- You and your partner trust each other and hold
each other and the relationship as priority in your
lives.
- You and your partner make time to be together
regularly.
- You have good communication with your partner.
- You can both bring up topics of concern and
have discussions without defensiveness or anger.
Even if it’s uncomfortable, you feel heard.
- Even in times of disagreements, both partners
feel loved and respected by each other.
- You feel a balance of give and take in the
relationship—neither of you always gives or always
receives.
- You and your partner are satisfied with the
amount and quality of physical and emotional
intimacy.
- There is a good rapport and feeling of friendship
with each other.
- Both partners feel a sense of joy and happiness
with each other.
- You feel at peace with your partner and would
rather be with them than somewhere else.
These statements reflect a healthy
relationship for
most of us. This list, however, is not exhaustive and
the remainder of the list would be different for
everyone and different, too, perhaps at different
times in life. I would add to the list that both
partners feel passionate and turned on by the other,
because that’s something I value. Not every person
feels this is a priority. Of course, there may be
times
of illness or old age when this is less important—even
for passionate romantics like me! But if passion is
there as part of the foundation of the relationship,
and if it is continually cultivated, it can always be
part of the dynamic.
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Pamela Ramey-Tatum, M.A.,CTACC
Relationship Coach,
Workshop Facilitator
© 2006 by Pamela Ramey-Tatum
All rights and media reserved.
The content of the Awakening to Love ezines may be
forwarded in full without special permission provided
it is used for nonprofit purposes and full attribution
and copyright notice are given. For other publishing
purposes, please contact Pamela Ramey-Tatum.
Awakening to Love is published every other
Wednesday by Pamela Ramey-Tatum, Relationship
Coach, Empowering Love, Inc.
empowering men and women to manifest the
relationhip of their heart's desire.
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